THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[Erith Jeff]

"so ther an English man a irish man scot tish man in a bar. the English man said to the irish one, u come here often then the scot man said who me and the irish man said no thnk he is talkin to me so then the scotman said what beer they got and then the English man said they only got foster and then irish man said no peroni ? and then he sed no"

[20 benson]

A man utd fan walks in to a travel agents and says im looking to get away for a few days what do you recommend . The agent says you can't beat bournemouth this time of year

[JonWHUFC]

"Did you know that Saudi Arabia and Dubai have some subtle differences in their cultures. So, for example, they have different rules on what cartoons their children are allowed to watch. In Riyadh they are not allowed to watch The Flintstones but Abu Dhabi do."

[riosleftsock]

"A boy came running into his house to his mum excitedly yelling, ""Mum, mum, we're sitting round the neighbour's watching porn!"" Mum: ""WHAT!!?"" Boy: ""Relax, mum! It's child porn!"""

[riosleftsock]

"A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, maths and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, ""Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"" The professor replied, ""No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."" The chief was silent for a moment, then said, ""Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."""

[riosleftsock]

pedestRIBan crossing?

[Erith Jeff]

why did the chicken cross the road

[riosleftsock]

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you are a paedophile, but you just haven't met the right child yet?"

[Far East Hammer]

A man walks into the zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shitzu

[BigDad]

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

[deedee]

"Denver Hammer 7:16 Fri Nov 13 Re: THE joke threads (part 5) Many years ago on a family holiday in Ibiza my old man was ""chatting"" to some Germans at the bar: ""Bobby Moore Gut"", ""Franz Beckenbaur good"", etc. One of them asks ""Have you ever been to Germany?"" My old man replies ""Yes, but only by night!"". He was a navigator in Lancasters..."

[penners28]

"A man, who sued BA for his baggage going missing, has lost his case...."

[BigDad]

What do we want? More questions! When do we want them? Thanks! What do we want?! Time travel! When do we want it?! Irrelevant! What do we want?! A cure for ADHD! When do we want it?! Squirrel!! What do we want? A cure for Tourette's! When do we want it? cսnt! WHAT DO WE WANT? HEARING AIDS! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? HEARING AIDS!

[Mad Dog]

It has been confirmed that more terrorists are set to enter France. Ireland just qualified for the Euros.

[Manip]

"And this one, http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html"

[Manip]

Old but funny http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html

[BigDad]

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

[Denver Hammer]

"A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is gobbing off how lazy British truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, Belgium up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just two days. This old Geordie man mutters up, ""Ah way ay I used to pick up me load in Newcastle, drop off in Hamburg and be back in Newcastle for a fish and chip supper the same day"". the gobby German trucker says "" oh yah, vot rig were you driving then?"" After taking a long swig of his pint of Newcastle Brown Ale, the old fella replies..... A LANCASTER BOMBER!!"

[Helmut Shown]

Andrea Bocelli has been admitted to hospital with hand injuries after trying to read a cheese grater

[Darlo Debs]

Lol Ray

[ray winstone]

"I've been trying tantric sex, best position is called the plumber......you stay in all day and no one comes."

[The Stoat]

"I've just bought a Citroen Oxo It's like the Saxo, but built for Stock car racing"

[Monk~koknee]

"A black lady named Betty goes to the butchers and asks for some beef. The butcher replies ""No, Black Betty, ham or lamb?"""

[Mr Polite]

"I got pulled over by a police checkpoint yesterday. They said they were looking for a couple of racist attackers. I looked at my mate, he nodded - so I turned back to the copper and said 'ok, we'll do it...'"

[Monk~koknee]

Sydney ©1970 Bernard Manning